Subject: Smart State Scientists lead the
world in scientific breakthrough - "Administronium
The Premier's Department has just
announced the discovery by Smart State scientists of
the heaviest element yet known to science. The new
element has been named 'Administronium’.
Administronium has one neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 312
assistant deputy neutrons, and 104 acting neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
These 504 particles are held
together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
particles, divided into two classes - "M-ployons"
Only the "P-ons" appear to keep the
Since Administronium has no
electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected,
as it impedes every reaction with which it comes
A minute amount of Administronium,
when it comes in contact with any process,
causes it to take over 28 days days to
complete, when it would normally take less than a
Administronium, however, has no
half-life; it does not decay, but instead undergoes
a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Administronium's mass will
actually increase over time, since each
re-organization will cause more morons to become
neutrons, forming isodopes.
The "P-ons" remain static.
This characteristic of
moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Administronium 504 is formed whenever morons reach
a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity
is referred to as ‘Critical Morass’.
When catalyzed by money,
Administronium becomes "Governmentium," an element
which radiates immense energy, since it has 1/2 as
many "P-ons" but twice as many morons. It appears
however that aside from energy radiation,
"Governmentium" has no known worth as it degrades
any other elements with which it comes in contact.