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Subject: Smart State Scientists lead the world in scientific breakthrough - "Administronium (Ad504)"   

 The Premier's Department has just announced the discovery by Smart State scientists of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named 'Administronium’.

 Administronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 312 assistant deputy neutrons, and 104 acting neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 504.

 These 504 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles, divided into two classes - "M-ployons" and   "P-ons."

Only the "P-ons" appear to keep the structure together.

 Since Administronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

 A minute amount of Administronium, when it comes in contact with any process,  causes it to take over 28 days days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

 Administronium, however, has no half-life; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

 In fact, Administronium's mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

The "P-ons" remain static.

 This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Administronium 504 is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as ‘Critical Morass’.

 When catalyzed by money, Administronium becomes "Governmentium," an element which radiates immense energy, since it has 1/2 as many "P-ons" but twice as many morons. It appears however that aside from energy radiation, "Governmentium" has no known worth as it degrades any other elements with which it comes in contact.