|
|
At Ease!
|
|
|
|
Noah in
2005
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah,
who had retired to the Gold Coast
hinterland, and said, "Once again, the earth
has become wicked and over-populated, and I
see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living
thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You
have 6 months to build the Ark before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and
saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the
rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things
have changed. I had difficulties obtaining
an Australian Business Number as I hadn't
registered as a business.
Then the Department of Industrial Relations
rejected my application for registration as
a workplace, as my tent had not complied
with the Workplace Health and Safety
regulations.
Then there was the Owner-Builder licence
from the Qld Building Standards Authority.
Ayyy!
I
needed a Shire Council permit. I've been
arguing with the inspector about the need
for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim
that I've violated the zoning laws by
building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
the height limitations. We had to go to the
Local Government Court for a decision.
The matter is still with the Lawyers drawing
a defence.
Then the Department of Main Roads demanded a
bond be posted for the future costs of
moving a wide load and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the
Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the
sea would be coming to us, but they would
hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting native hardwood in
order to save the ring-tail glider possum. I
tried to convince the environmentalists that
I needed the wood to save the ring-tail
glider possum, but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the
RSPCA prosecuted me.
They insisted that I was confining wild
animals against their will. They argued the
accommodation was too restrictive, and it
was cruel and inhumane to put so many
animals in a confined space.
Then the Department of Environment ruled
that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental safety audit on
your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with
the Anti-Discrimination Tribunal on how many
minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew.
Department of Immigration and Naturalization
is checking the visa status of most of the
people who want to work.
Trades Hall say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers
with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the Federal
Commissioner of Taxation seized all my
assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the
country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at
least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to
shine, and a rainbow stretched across the
sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the
world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me
to it."
|
|
|